Yesterday, i posted this on my FB wall, "She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming and she sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There's only one thing wrong with her, she forgets what she's worth!".... and the person behind this wall is ME! Yes, ME!!! But that was me last 3 years...
Why i said this? Hhmmmm... cos i felt that i am a changed person now. Changed for the worst (absolutely!!!!).
Dulu I am all out. I can do everything, you name it. Juggling between Adly who was then a baby and 2 other heroes, looking after Le Photographe's account, running around with La Noce CollettZion's room deco as well as Gifts of Love assignments... almost everyweek my bedtime was either 1am or 2am cos i need to finish up all the dulangs which i will start doing on Wednesday & Thursday nites. And i can wake up at 6am with a hush hush. At times i followed hubby out for photography assignments during weekends and where did all those energy came from? I have no answer to it.....
But now, watever i do, i always have this FEAR at the back of my mind - TIRED or WILL I GET TIRED. I will make sure everyday i sleep by 11pm... I will make sure weekends is a stay at home day. Isnt that SUCKSSSSSS???!!!!
Haizzzz... this is the KILLER. Killer to my life!!!! Damn you and i hate you! This killer always make me feel that my life is so monotonous. This killer always makes me think that my life is so meaningless. This killer always hinder me to do things that i want to do. This killer always makes me felt so restless. And this killer always makes me have wild imaginations which I HATE IT!!!!
After so much soul searching, i realized that this started somewhere mid of this year where i preferred to stay much indoor compared to outdoor. Whenever ppl ask me, "Eh nak kluar?", i will tink soooooo much before declining their offer. Reason was, hhmmm on Saturdays, is my rest day after 5 days of slogging in the office, which i'd rather stay at home watch TV (so boringggg kan kan kan?) or catch up with 4hours of beauty sleep or should i say, LAZY SLEEP. Then come Sunday, is my marketing day (bi-weekly) and laundry day and cleaning day and ironing day and easy to say, its my Maid in Manhattan day lah. So whenever i wanna go out, i think so much about tis! Cos if i go out in the day, i need to complete the chores once i reach home and i will feel tired by the time its ended.
The question is now - Why aren't you ENERGETIC Zue??????? Its hard for me to explain. Cos i dunno wat is happening to me NOW!!!!! My mind are thinking of something but i dunno wat it is. I think, I am thinking so much.... worrying things which i am not supposed to be doing.
Dear Allah, please bring back the old Zue.... i miss her so much. I miss her cheerfulness, her chirpyness, her craziness, her sillyness, her loudness and EVERYTHING!!!
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